the short guy pounds on the front door.  "gas company; open up!" he yells.  tall thin guy slaps the back of short guy's head; the loud clap of his hand against the bald spot echoes thru the town.  short guy shrugs in bewilderment and stomps on the tall guy's instep.  tall guy yells out.  short guy picks the lock with ease and opens the door.  he waddles two steps on; the dull clap of metal against leather rings out, the short guy yells out in agony.  the tall guy rushes over to pry the metal bar of the rat trap off the short guy's shoe; he gets the rat trap's jaw opened past half way and his hands slip.  this time, the dull clap of metal against leather is joined with a wet crunching sound.  the short guy screams out in agony even harder.

"bastard!"  the short guy screams at the ceiling and takes a swing at the tall guy.  misses.  falls face first into the tile floor.  the tall guy reaches his hands to the rat trap; the short guy kicks away from his reach, opens the trap slightly, jerks his foot out of the steel and wooden jaw, and lets the bar loose with a clap that echoes thru the house.

"look at the size of this place", the short guy says while making an almost regal gesture, opening his arm to the expanse of your home.

"guess that makes us the upper floor bandits," tall guy says eagerly.  short guy shoots him a look of disgust and elbows him below where his ribs part.  tall guy doubles over and sucks air in with a desperate gasp.